Who’s to Blame: Culture or Society?

I’m taking religion out of the equation because religion is a personal interpretation.

The way brown girls truly bond is by complaining to each other about their situations. Usually, it goes something like, “My parents won’t let me leave the house after dinner but my younger brothers have full freedom to do what they want” or “My mom is making me wear heels because she’s worried about what other people will say if I come under-dressed”. And once one person opens up, the other does as well, and we come to the realization that girls are basically not allowed to make their own decisions.

I’ve grown up in the UAE. And I would argue that while people here have strong faith in their religion, their personalities are fairly dictated by society. Most people act a certain way not because they want to, but because they’re worried about what others will say about them. Essentially, it’s gossip town. But this got me thinking, is the culture to blame? Or society?

Culture can be defined as a guideline created by people through beliefs, customs, and practices. It dictates how people should live. Society, on the other hand, is the structure in which people organize themselves. Everyone who believes in a similar culture essentially forms a society. By these definitions, it’s both culture and society to blame for keeping girls so tightly oppressed.

The Pakistani and Indian culture typically defines the role of a woman as being a household object, serving to only cook, clean, and take care of her children. Combined with the local pressure of having to look and play the part, girls born into these families have no choice but to play along or get banished. Banished is a bit dramatic, more like alienated and ignored, but only if you don’t play to the rules of the game. But wait, there’s a catch, even if you do obey and follow along, you’ll still be in the wrong. You’ll get told off for being too social, or not social enough, you’ll get shit for wanting to get educated, but also if you’re lazy and don’t care about your academia. There’s no winning in this game.

The issue is not the game itself, but this cycle we’ve been put into. A never-ending cycle where none of us can break through because if you do, then you’ll be banished to keep the system clean. At this point, sometimes I think the banish would be worth it.